Communications/Basic English
Basic English for the chronically lazy or stupid
Written by Briggs, October 3rd 2002:
I know many of you are having hard times spelling complex words in the heat of battle. Such words as YOU, YOUR, ARE. Using these words are an everyday part of life, no doubt, and from spelling and saying them so often I have come to expect a little more than things like U, UR, R. These shorthand expressions are ok when talking to people like your teacher (They don’t know the fucking difference), your siblings, or your crack smoking friends you meet in an ICQ room every Friday night to talk about the latest pound of Marijuana you smoked after slamming down a 24 pack of Bud Light.
On the battlefield, the Captain and I have come to expect you men to be able to fight well, hold up the clans honor (Somewhat) and various other things, but what we have come to not expect from you slackers, is spelling like people who have passed at least 8th grade. What we end up getting are various parts of sentences.
For instance instead of saying:
Please come help me in the Bunker!
You say:
Plz cme hlp me n th bnkr!!1
Or instead of:
Are you coming?
You morons say:
r u coming
Please note the lack of capitalization and punctuation. Now, punctuation is not necessary, as I myself do not use periods, but for gods sake, spell the bloody thing right, and CAPITALIZE!
There is a general feel of professionalism the Captain and I try to uphold (Him more than me) and believe that, to maintain this impression, you need to type like you have not been sitting on your thumbs all day (Although there is no doubt that you have). If you cannot adhere to these simple rules, you will be sidelined until you can teach yourself to use the SHIFT on the first letter of the sentence. At practice, instead of drilling you mental dwarves on which side of the gun the bullet comes out of, I will be drilling you on the shift key, and its 2 and a half million amazing uses.
Respectfully, ← Please note use of capitalization and punctuation
Technical Corporal Briggs.
